In the hole. Black hole. So much darkness, so much fear, so much to die for. I just can't do it on my own, but the worst part is that I'm not alone and I can't stand the company. It's nice, I just don't want to be rescued. I feel like it's a worthless try, like if people get too attached to me and me to them I will always be rescued.
In need of psychiatric support ASAP but it's just so hard to go and say: Please, save me...
(Forget about the surprise, at least for now. I can't manage to finish it, maybe because I'm dumb or maybe because I'm just too lazy)
May 26, 2009
May 24, 2009
Mouse
I have been having these really sad moments and I don't even know why I cry. Today I talked to myself in front of a mirror and sometime after that I got better. Tomorrow I'm stepping out of the safety of my home and I'm going to face life like a man. I'm going to stop running like the mouse I always saw myself as.
My daemon is actually a mouse :P I don't know where I saw that, but I think the mouse was the one that fit me better. They gave us these descriptions in some forum and we, readers, would have to look them all up until we found a description that matched us the most. And I found that some kind of rat was my daemon. It was actually cute, and I like mice, so...
EDIT: I've made a google research and I found the rat I was talking about. It's the Brown Norway Rat. Here's a picture of it:
By the way, I think I'll have a surprise for you readers tomorrow. I'm going to uncover something about myself. You'll see.
Oliver.
My daemon is actually a mouse :P I don't know where I saw that, but I think the mouse was the one that fit me better. They gave us these descriptions in some forum and we, readers, would have to look them all up until we found a description that matched us the most. And I found that some kind of rat was my daemon. It was actually cute, and I like mice, so...
EDIT: I've made a google research and I found the rat I was talking about. It's the Brown Norway Rat. Here's a picture of it:
By the way, I think I'll have a surprise for you readers tomorrow. I'm going to uncover something about myself. You'll see.
Oliver.
May 23, 2009
Dangerous to be alone
Everything's so twisted in my mind that I don't even know what I want to write. Actually I do. I just don't know if I should talk about it, or if I should keep being quiet just like I have been these last few days. It's strange because, even though I always considered myself as a quiet person, these days I've seen the difference. I always had someone to talk to, but now I have to run away, to shut my doors to other people. Yeah, it sucks... I just don't feel in the mood, so I hide. I really have no patience for people.
For example, there's this person who's important to me that lives away and now that person's in town, instead of going nearby (even if it is to be quiet) I just stay in my room, where there's no one around to look at me, to talk to me, to have any kind of interaction with me.
Just need my time alone, although I shouldn't be alone in this condition. It's dangerous.
For example, there's this person who's important to me that lives away and now that person's in town, instead of going nearby (even if it is to be quiet) I just stay in my room, where there's no one around to look at me, to talk to me, to have any kind of interaction with me.
Just need my time alone, although I shouldn't be alone in this condition. It's dangerous.
May 21, 2009
The short road
So the kid decided he would take the short road. It was raining when he set foot on that dark path. There were so many voices in his head that he couldn't figure who should he listen to.
"Go, keep on going, it's an easy way, a shortcut, it'll make everything much easier"
"Don't go... It's a dark and cold path to follow. The other road is harder and longer to follow, but if you can, you can enjoy every second of your trip."
"The rain will stop soon, go on"
"That's a dangerous road, come on, you're still in time to change your path"
He listened to the darker voices who told him it would be easy to follow the path he was on.
At the end of the road he heard a clear voice, all the other voices were silenced by that loud shout.
"Stop it! If you do that I'll miss you and I may want to follow the same road!"
It was a really dark road, he didn't want anybody following it because of him, besides, that voice made him see the point of following the long road. Everyone else is on that road, it's not always a happy trip, but you'll learn to cherish those moments and hold on to the memories of those moments, that's good because you'll want to paint more of those memories.
He goes back from the way he came and when he got to that other path he looked up at the sky and said "What a beautiful day", so he smiled.
dead end by ~don-paolo on deviantART
"Go, keep on going, it's an easy way, a shortcut, it'll make everything much easier"
"Don't go... It's a dark and cold path to follow. The other road is harder and longer to follow, but if you can, you can enjoy every second of your trip."
"The rain will stop soon, go on"
"That's a dangerous road, come on, you're still in time to change your path"
He listened to the darker voices who told him it would be easy to follow the path he was on.
At the end of the road he heard a clear voice, all the other voices were silenced by that loud shout.
"Stop it! If you do that I'll miss you and I may want to follow the same road!"
It was a really dark road, he didn't want anybody following it because of him, besides, that voice made him see the point of following the long road. Everyone else is on that road, it's not always a happy trip, but you'll learn to cherish those moments and hold on to the memories of those moments, that's good because you'll want to paint more of those memories.
He goes back from the way he came and when he got to that other path he looked up at the sky and said "What a beautiful day", so he smiled.
dead end by ~don-paolo on deviantART
May 20, 2009
Bottomless
Not safe. Anywhere, he's just not safe.
Looks pretty sane, doesn't he?
Would you like to see what I see?
Let's just pull up his sleeves...
I wonder if his soul is as scarred as his arms are...
His mind is a bottomless hole,
He can't step into it, because...
He'll just fall into darkness,
A never ending cliff diving,
A small step towards complete destruction.
Someone: Are you lost, kid?
Kid: Sort of. I have these two roads and I can't decide which one I should take.
Someone: Where do you want to go?
Kid: I don't know. I'm just tired of this non-stopping storm.
Oliver Moore
Looks pretty sane, doesn't he?
Would you like to see what I see?
Let's just pull up his sleeves...
I wonder if his soul is as scarred as his arms are...
His mind is a bottomless hole,
He can't step into it, because...
He'll just fall into darkness,
A never ending cliff diving,
A small step towards complete destruction.
Someone: Are you lost, kid?
Kid: Sort of. I have these two roads and I can't decide which one I should take.
Someone: Where do you want to go?
Kid: I don't know. I'm just tired of this non-stopping storm.
Oliver Moore
May 19, 2009
Losing Control
Desire. It makes me do stupid things. You're not just an inspiration anymore... I suppose. I got fucked up because of you, I don't want to break the ice sealing my heart, I guess it's too late. Can't live in the cold for too long, it seems, now my whole being desires to be embraced in your sinful flames.
Walking near you, everybody is else is living their lives just like us, going their way. I didn't even notice, but everyone vanished into thin air. It was only me and you. I guess you were bored and held my hand, embraced me. Fuck! It made me burn, I guess the heat blocked my common sense and desire took over me. I turn around, look into your eyes. They're looking into mine, burning me even more. Everything around us is gone, it's absolutely just you and me, no ground, nothing, just plain white. My eyes staring into yours, they drop into your lips. I tried to stop myself, but the demons had me like a puppet. I kissed you.
The dream stopped, I couldn't see your reaction. One thousand other similar dreams followed that one. They all ended as soon as my lips touched yours.
I want that kiss so much, even if your lips are poisonous
Oliver Moore
Walking near you, everybody is else is living their lives just like us, going their way. I didn't even notice, but everyone vanished into thin air. It was only me and you. I guess you were bored and held my hand, embraced me. Fuck! It made me burn, I guess the heat blocked my common sense and desire took over me. I turn around, look into your eyes. They're looking into mine, burning me even more. Everything around us is gone, it's absolutely just you and me, no ground, nothing, just plain white. My eyes staring into yours, they drop into your lips. I tried to stop myself, but the demons had me like a puppet. I kissed you.
The dream stopped, I couldn't see your reaction. One thousand other similar dreams followed that one. They all ended as soon as my lips touched yours.
I want that kiss so much, even if your lips are poisonous
Oliver Moore
May 18, 2009
Forbidden
Me. You. Us. You and me, me and you, it's some kind of "us".
Two different beings with two different worlds, different thoughts. In general, they're different. Their essence is kind of the same, yet they live their lives in a completely different way.
You sit in one side of the room surrounded by your friends, I sit in the other side surrounded by the people I feel comfortable with.
They're different.
I hear them talk, but I'm not listening. I look to a person, then to the other. There's a space between them where I can see you. I look, you stop looking.
They're curious for each other.
My eyes move around the room, even though I'm lost in my thoughts about you. You're doing the same. I noticed.
Their eyes cannot meet.
You leave, I stop being surrounded, you arrive and I read a book. I want to look at you, but I won't allow it.
They are scared of their feelings. Or so it seems.
Suddenly someone sits beside me. It's you.
This is where their worlds connect.
"What are you doing here?", I thought. "What are you reading?", he asked.
A sudden interest. However...
"Nothing special", I answered as I kept reading without taking my eyes from the book
He pretends not to care.
So you went away, to your friends. I haven't looked much, but I wish I could. From the fragments of time I moved my eyes away from the book I could tell you were still interested.
He was too.
So sorry...
Oliver Moore
Two different beings with two different worlds, different thoughts. In general, they're different. Their essence is kind of the same, yet they live their lives in a completely different way.
You sit in one side of the room surrounded by your friends, I sit in the other side surrounded by the people I feel comfortable with.
They're different.
I hear them talk, but I'm not listening. I look to a person, then to the other. There's a space between them where I can see you. I look, you stop looking.
They're curious for each other.
My eyes move around the room, even though I'm lost in my thoughts about you. You're doing the same. I noticed.
Their eyes cannot meet.
You leave, I stop being surrounded, you arrive and I read a book. I want to look at you, but I won't allow it.
They are scared of their feelings. Or so it seems.
Suddenly someone sits beside me. It's you.
This is where their worlds connect.
"What are you doing here?", I thought. "What are you reading?", he asked.
A sudden interest. However...
"Nothing special", I answered as I kept reading without taking my eyes from the book
He pretends not to care.
So you went away, to your friends. I haven't looked much, but I wish I could. From the fragments of time I moved my eyes away from the book I could tell you were still interested.
He was too.
So sorry...
Oliver Moore
May 16, 2009
My imaginary wings
I'm writing these two stories. One of them inspired by a message someone sent me and the other was just a romance scene that went through my head between two guys on a night when I couldn't sleep, which really isn't very rare, I always take hours to fall asleep. Normally, it's not these kinds of thoughts that pop up in my mind when I'm in bed trying to sleep, normally it's those evil thoughts that sick people have.
In this new story I'm writing about there's this self-centered, competitive and mind fucking asshole, "looking" at him at first you see a really trashy personality, but you'll see this character is not as trashy as he looks. The other guy is so scared to come out that he'll deny the love and desire he feels for the other guy and then he backs away from him, so he can play his straight game with no loose edges.
The first story... Well, I may talk about it later! But it involves Angels.
Play me that piano song that grows wings on my back so I can have a nice flight up on the highest clouds of my imagination
In this new story I'm writing about there's this self-centered, competitive and mind fucking asshole, "looking" at him at first you see a really trashy personality, but you'll see this character is not as trashy as he looks. The other guy is so scared to come out that he'll deny the love and desire he feels for the other guy and then he backs away from him, so he can play his straight game with no loose edges.
The first story... Well, I may talk about it later! But it involves Angels.
Play me that piano song that grows wings on my back so I can have a nice flight up on the highest clouds of my imagination
May 12, 2009
Heal me
Know what it's like to be caged on a trampoline? It's simple, you can hardly maintain the same height, you go up then come down.
So, I woke up today and the sun was shinning, how pretty. After a while, my mood when down the hill. It's been like this for my whole life, but it seems to be worsening these last few days. I'm so sick of these up and downs that I just want to put an end to everything.
I want to try but I don't want to lose.
I want to win but I'm afraid of trying.
I want to give up, but can't reach the quit button.
Sometimes I just wish death would come knocking at my window, and I would gladly open it, so it could free me from this wingless body.
They tell me I have everything... But what do they know?
Oliver
Slit my teenage wrist by ~zorak on deviantART
So, I woke up today and the sun was shinning, how pretty. After a while, my mood when down the hill. It's been like this for my whole life, but it seems to be worsening these last few days. I'm so sick of these up and downs that I just want to put an end to everything.
I want to try but I don't want to lose.
I want to win but I'm afraid of trying.
I want to give up, but can't reach the quit button.
Sometimes I just wish death would come knocking at my window, and I would gladly open it, so it could free me from this wingless body.
They tell me I have everything... But what do they know?
Oliver
Slit my teenage wrist by ~zorak on deviantART
May 7, 2009
Fragments of You
There you go. Walking alone, on your way home. My eyes meet your colorful being, your perfectness, your unique way of walking, your wild light brown hair that curls in specific spots. That hair you say you hate and gives you lots of work to make it decent. I think it's pretty.
And then... when my eyes caught you in this gray day, everything got more colorful, my eyes couldn't move away from your walking body and I started feeling what I used to feel about you. I wanted to go near you and walk you home or at least scream your name just to say hi. But everything that happened was the resurrection of those memories.
Do I still love you?
Will these memories ever fade away?
I guess I could say you're my tattoo.
Oliver
And then... when my eyes caught you in this gray day, everything got more colorful, my eyes couldn't move away from your walking body and I started feeling what I used to feel about you. I wanted to go near you and walk you home or at least scream your name just to say hi. But everything that happened was the resurrection of those memories.
Do I still love you?
Will these memories ever fade away?
I guess I could say you're my tattoo.
Oliver
May 6, 2009
Redemption
I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to cause all that destruction in your life. I love you, I really do... People just can't believe me when I say this because of my cold way of loving. I want to fix you, I want to fix us. Can you forgive me?
You really love to suffer.
Oliver.
You really love to suffer.
Oliver.
May 5, 2009
Puppeteer
I don't know whether I still trust you. I don't know who you are or what you want. I don't know what I can or cannot say. I don't know what I am to you.
Sometimes I think I'm I'm your friend, others I feel like I'm your puppet. Are you playing with me? Do you want to know me so you can set your scene? That's what it looks like. I wonder... Are you a friend or a foe?
Now it's gone too far.
It's the worst time for you to do that, I'm starting to feel you're a foe. Can't be a friend with those I can't trust. I think I'm scratching you from that small list.
Oliver
Sometimes I think I'm I'm your friend, others I feel like I'm your puppet. Are you playing with me? Do you want to know me so you can set your scene? That's what it looks like. I wonder... Are you a friend or a foe?
Now it's gone too far.
It's the worst time for you to do that, I'm starting to feel you're a foe. Can't be a friend with those I can't trust. I think I'm scratching you from that small list.
Oliver
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