Hi everyone. I would like to show you another part of me: Andy. Andy is my more zen self. Oliver is the dramatic one.
As you may have understood, I have been through a few issues and I'm still solving some. I don't want you to get the idea that I'm fixed because there's still a few issues to be solved.
I'm on therapy and this last session I told my therapist about this blog, how I use it when Oliver is around. He told me to delete it, but I've grown attached to this and I think that in time I would like to read my previous posts, just like I enjoy reading my diaries from years ago. I find those ridiculous but it's still kinda good because it takes me back in time.
I told him I would change it, he agreed, and he gave me the idea for the title. "The Change", I found it brilliant but the title was taken so I came up with this one.
Anyways, I'll keep you posted on my progress.
I'm supposed to make friends and go out with them, I think that will be tough, but I can make it :)
Andy
April 23, 2010
April 19, 2010
Heart condition
My heart has been pounding way too much. Instinctively, my hand rushes to touch my chest and it seems like I've got a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
I hope it explodes when everything's a mess, I hope it doesn't get in the way of my recovery and specially, I hope it doesn't devastate my life when I'm recovered, if I manage to recover.
Other than saying recover, since I was always this way, I'd rather say... Heal.
I'm one of those dolls that were never finished to begin with, just like all of my stories. They're just nothing. Like me.
Me and my creations, we need more construction.
(I know that every single post of this blog sounds sad and I'm all self-pitiful, but I'd like you to read this post from a different place)
I hope it explodes when everything's a mess, I hope it doesn't get in the way of my recovery and specially, I hope it doesn't devastate my life when I'm recovered, if I manage to recover.
Other than saying recover, since I was always this way, I'd rather say... Heal.
I'm one of those dolls that were never finished to begin with, just like all of my stories. They're just nothing. Like me.
Me and my creations, we need more construction.
(I know that every single post of this blog sounds sad and I'm all self-pitiful, but I'd like you to read this post from a different place)
April 17, 2010
He's out
I'm so fucking tired of this roller coaster. I was doing so well until I let my inner demon get out and destroy everything.
Why can't people acknowledge that I'm one of those people who needs pills to keep going?
Seriously, I'm really tired of having everything I've worked so hard on constructing destroyed by my darker self.
Yesterday I took so many pills but unfortunately I didn't have the kind that would fuck me up permanently, the kind that would make my ridiculous self begone.
I wish someone would poison my food, I'd be grateful.
Why can't people acknowledge that I'm one of those people who needs pills to keep going?
Seriously, I'm really tired of having everything I've worked so hard on constructing destroyed by my darker self.
Yesterday I took so many pills but unfortunately I didn't have the kind that would fuck me up permanently, the kind that would make my ridiculous self begone.
I wish someone would poison my food, I'd be grateful.
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